Office Dares

When I worked an office job at RAF Brampton the majority of my days were painfully dull. Until I found "Office Dares". I clocked up a few points playing it that year and it made me laugh so hard I cried on many an occasion. But more importantly, it passed the time until I could sprint to my little red Metro and storm home as soon as the working day was over. I thought I'd lovingly re-type it out here for you, in case you're in a similar situation.


Want something new and exciting to do? Wny not initiate an office dare system- however to do it properly only you are allowed to know the dare. Sound confusing? Well read on...

One Point Dares
1. Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2. Groan out load in the toilet cubicle (at least another non-player must be in the toilet at the same time).
3. Ignore the first five people who say "Good morning" to you.
4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I cant talk right now. Bye."
5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
6. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmmmm, that feels soooo good."
7. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way."
8. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9. While riding a lift, gasp dramatically every time the door opens.

Three Point Dares
1. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
2. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, I dont want to have to repeat it."
3. Page yourself over the intercom. Do not disguise your voice.
4. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a non-player in sight).
5. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

Five Point Dares
1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob".
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you "really have to go do a number two".
5. After every sentance, say "mon" in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, mon". Keep this up for one hour.
6. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!"
8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
9. In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights."
10. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
11. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
12. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I cant talk about it."
13. Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him he's won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
18. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19. Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.